they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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