i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
