I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
