It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize