And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
