She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
