we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
