Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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