I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
