i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
