Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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