she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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