if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
