either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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