Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
