I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
