Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
