I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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