is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
