You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
