Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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