Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
