Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
