He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
