The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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