Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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