i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
