I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize