Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
