i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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