My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
