Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We had to coat check the pizza.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
