dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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