just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You may now shotgun with the bride
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
