I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
