I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
