the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
