We got so high we made milksteak
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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