Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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