you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
