I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
