An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
