i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
