The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize