I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
