what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
