i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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