things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
