He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we made out on top of his cat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
