i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
