i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love accidental penises.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
