A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
