Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
