As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
