Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
