lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
