Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
