dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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