We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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