pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
