Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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