I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
