i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
