Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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