I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
