im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize