Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
