Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
