Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
