exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize