I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
