she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
