I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
