I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize