u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
